Snow-verkill Day

When snow is falling it has a particular beauty to it. It seems to make the sky so much brighter and leaves everything fluffy and quiet as two or so inches fall upon everything. It’s the next foot of snow that is a major pain in my rump and lower back.

I got up early(ish) and made crepes. The kids took one look and said “what is that?” I said, “it’s a crepe. Like a French pancake. You put strawberries and whipped cream, or Nutella and bananas or whatever in it. They looked at me like my head was on fire and said, “no thanks, just a granola bar” (this is paraphrased as my 6 year old likes to shorten words and refers to them as “a granol” I don’t get it but I guess it’s what kids do)

I guess I’ll make Dutch babies or waffles tomorrow. Wacky kids. They also declared that they didn’t want to go outside and play in the snow because apparently no-school days equate to all-day video games and tv in their little minds. When we were kids it was all about playing outside until you get frozen and then come inside and play games. But when I was their age we had an odyssey 2. Not as exciting as having every console and arcade game available at your fingertips.

Can’t sleep so a few points

I was trying to buy a car something like two weeks ago now. “Oh sure, it’s here on the lot somewhere, sit in the sales office and wait.” Which took 2 hours only to find out it wasn’t there. On the wall was this poster.

I’m not sure that a lion is a good example of leadership. Pictured is a male lion who pretty much sits around and expects the lionesses to bring him food and whatnot. It’s really more of a show of arrogance.





ALSO, I really hate that Haribo Gold Bears commercial with all of the people in the meeting with child voices. It makes me irrationally angry. Like a phone call from Farmers.

Decisions, Decisions

As if I didn’t have enough to frustrate myself over, I have to decide on license plates.

I’m leaning whales. Now I just have to commit to what I’m going to affix them to.

If You Met Me at a Party You Would Hate Me

Imagine that you’re at a party. The music is bumpin, you’ve got a nice iced tea in your hand. Suddenly, some complete jerk knocks you off your feet and straight into a piano (this is a really nice party). You break your teeth out of your head. The whole room is spinning. I reach out and offer you my hand. I make you promises. “I’m hosting this party… It’s going to be ok. I’ll take care of you” I tell you.

I point you towards the emergency dental office and offer to pay the bill. I tell you that you’re going to be taken care of. You trust me. But there’s something you don’t know. Deep down, I’m resentful of you for getting hurt at my party. I’m tired of hearing you complain about your teeth getting knocked out. I offer to give you $500 for your teeth.

Why are you mad? I understand that you can’t replace your teeth for $500. I’m really not interested in hearing about how it’s going to cost you $4500 for implants. You don’t need implants. Just get a bridge. It will look and work close enough. Sure you have to take it out to eat and you’re going to have to put a lot more maintenance into it over the long run but sometime in the next 60 years your teeth might have fallen out anyway, so what do you really want from me anyway?

Jacked up teeth due to no fault of your own? We’ve made excuses not to make it right. 

My name is Farmers, and I’m a prick. You should meet my buddy, Allstate.

And the Light it Blinds my Eyes

Fitting lyrics. Last year around this time I had the flu something fierce, 105+ fever, all of that. It was the last time I had listened to the album. This year it was while trying to lull myself to sleep. I’m supposed to be resting to recover from my concussion but it’s so hard to get comfortable enough to get to sleep in the first place.

Basically it boils down to that Farmers told me they would pay off my car and give me the difference between what I owed on it and what it was “worth”. Of course what their book value says has nothing to do at all with what it would cost to replace it. Part of the conversation went as so…

me: Yeah, I get that’s what your calculator says but that doesn’t take into account the low mileage, great condition and all of the options.

Farmers agent: Well we base the value on the condition of the car and there was some wear and soiling on the interior of the car

me: That would be my blood and broken glass from when the guy you insure HIT MY CAR AND ALMOST KILLED ME AND MY KID.

This was not the worst conversation Inhave had with them in the last two weeks. Today was a gem…

me: Yeah, you guys told me Friday that you’d be paying off my car and giving me the money…

Farmers agent: Yes, I see the payments went out Friday. They should arrive in 7-10 business days. It would have been a lot faster if you had signed up for the direct deposit.

me: I did sign up for the direct deposit. The day of the accident after I got home from the emergency room.

Farmers agent: Oh. I see that you did. Did you sign up for it online?

me: Yeah. Right after you sent me the email saying to sign up for direct deposit.

Farmers agent: Oh. That happens sometimes. Not sure why.

Me: while we are on the subject, leaving me without a car that I have to continue paying for and taking my rental car back 7-10 business days before you actually pay off my car is not an enjoyable experience.

Farmers agent: I’ve heard that before.

Me: eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..

At least my little guy doesn’t need surgery on his head. That was a huge relief of a crushing strain. Now there’s just 43,208 more follow up appointments with specialists, dentists, physical therapists, and etc.

Aaaaaand now I need to buy a new car

All joking and sarcasm aside, I ended up getting hurt something decent and my 3 year old got 2 skull fractures and had to go to the world-class children’s hospital 100 miles away where mama is staying with him. The doctors all told me that I will hurt worse in the morning which is going to be something to behold.

This is what happens when you are stopped and get plowed into by an F350 at 60 mph or so and get pushed 20 feet into a Durango. Pour one out for my car. I have looked around and there are none that compare for anything near what I paid for it a year ago.

Crunchy Feet

Today there were pretzels crumbs on the floor of the bathroom in my office. Let that sink in. If you have time to snack on pretzels in the bathroom you should probably not be snacking on pretzels in the bathroom.

Spending 3 1/2 hours on the edge of your seat is bad for your back

Before the game I said, “This is going to be tight. In order to win we will need the one thing that doesn’t happen much… Brees has to throw a pick.” Sure enough he threw just 1. And it led to the Rams heading back to the Super Bowl.

For the record, I still believe that Brees is the pretty much the most underrated QB in the league. I crunched my own stats and of QBs who played 10 or more games this year, only Aaron Rodgers and Lamar Jackson threw less INTs this year (Alex Smith tied, with 5). Of that same stat set he also has the best completion percentage at 74.4%  The dude was in great form and it all comes down to that one toss. Maybe the sun got in his eyes… in the dome… at dark.

Stoked to see my Rams going all the way. I knew it was going to be this way as soon as  Brandin Cooks signed on. Any way about it, this was the 2nd best game of the year. Shame that the Pats won and we won’t get a rematch of the best game of this year.  The only thing left to figure out is if I’m making my famous carne asasa or fajitas for the super bowl party.

English muffins are fine and all

I saw a commercial for chick-fil-a and their English muffin sandwich. It made me think about how crumpets are so much better than English muffins. Especially with jam or Nutella. I haven’t had one in like 2 or 3 years.

I also thought there were no chick-fil-a stores here but it turns out there’s one that’s only 98 miles away for me not to go to.

Crumpets on the other hand are about 5 miles away and if I get unlazy (which is a word now because I made it one) they might get a little closer.