As if I didn’t have enough to frustrate myself over, I have to decide on license plates.
I’m leaning whales. Now I just have to commit to what I’m going to affix them to.
Imagine that you’re at a party. The music is bumpin, you’ve got a nice iced tea in your hand. Suddenly, some complete jerk knocks you off your feet and straight into a piano (this is a really nice party). You break your teeth out of your head. The whole room is spinning. I reach out and offer you my hand. I make you promises. “I’m hosting this party… It’s going to be ok. I’ll take care of you” I tell you.
I point you towards the emergency dental office and offer to pay the bill. I tell you that you’re going to be taken care of. You trust me. But there’s something you don’t know. Deep down, I’m resentful of you for getting hurt at my party. I’m tired of hearing you complain about your teeth getting knocked out. I offer to give you $500 for your teeth.
Why are you mad? I understand that you can’t replace your teeth for $500. I’m really not interested in hearing about how it’s going to cost you $4500 for implants. You don’t need implants. Just get a bridge. It will look and work close enough. Sure you have to take it out to eat and you’re going to have to put a lot more maintenance into it over the long run but sometime in the next 60 years your teeth might have fallen out anyway, so what do you really want from me anyway?
My name is Farmers, and I’m a prick. You should meet my buddy, Allstate.
Fitting lyrics. Last year around this time I had the flu something fierce, 105+ fever, all of that. It was the last time I had listened to the album. This year it was while trying to lull myself to sleep. I’m supposed to be resting to recover from my concussion but it’s so hard to get comfortable enough to get to sleep in the first place.
Basically it boils down to that Farmers told me they would pay off my car and give me the difference between what I owed on it and what it was “worth”. Of course what their book value says has nothing to do at all with what it would cost to replace it. Part of the conversation went as so…
me: Yeah, I get that’s what your calculator says but that doesn’t take into account the low mileage, great condition and all of the options.
Farmers agent: Well we base the value on the condition of the car and there was some wear and soiling on the interior of the car
me: That would be my blood and broken glass from when the guy you insure HIT MY CAR AND ALMOST KILLED ME AND MY KID.
This was not the worst conversation Inhave had with them in the last two weeks. Today was a gem…
me: Yeah, you guys told me Friday that you’d be paying off my car and giving me the money…
Farmers agent: Yes, I see the payments went out Friday. They should arrive in 7-10 business days. It would have been a lot faster if you had signed up for the direct deposit.
me: I did sign up for the direct deposit. The day of the accident after I got home from the emergency room.
Farmers agent: Oh. I see that you did. Did you sign up for it online?
me: Yeah. Right after you sent me the email saying to sign up for direct deposit.
Farmers agent: Oh. That happens sometimes. Not sure why.
Me: while we are on the subject, leaving me without a car that I have to continue paying for and taking my rental car back 7-10 business days before you actually pay off my car is not an enjoyable experience.
Farmers agent: I’ve heard that before.
At least my little guy doesn’t need surgery on his head. That was a huge relief of a crushing strain. Now there’s just 43,208 more follow up appointments with specialists, dentists, physical therapists, and etc.
All joking and sarcasm aside, I ended up getting hurt something decent and my 3 year old got 2 skull fractures and had to go to the world-class children’s hospital 100 miles away where mama is staying with him. The doctors all told me that I will hurt worse in the morning which is going to be something to behold.
This is what happens when you are stopped and get plowed into by an F350 at 60 mph or so and get pushed 20 feet into a Durango. Pour one out for my car. I have looked around and there are none that compare for anything near what I paid for it a year ago.
Today there were pretzels crumbs on the floor of the bathroom in my office. Let that sink in. If you have time to snack on pretzels in the bathroom you should probably not be snacking on pretzels in the bathroom.
Before the game I said, “This is going to be tight. In order to win we will need the one thing that doesn’t happen much… Brees has to throw a pick.” Sure enough he threw just 1. And it led to the Rams heading back to the Super Bowl.
For the record, I still believe that Brees is the pretty much the most underrated QB in the league. I crunched my own stats and of QBs who played 10 or more games this year, only Aaron Rodgers and Lamar Jackson threw less INTs this year (Alex Smith tied, with 5). Of that same stat set he also has the best completion percentage at 74.4% The dude was in great form and it all comes down to that one toss. Maybe the sun got in his eyes… in the dome… at dark.
Stoked to see my Rams going all the way. I knew it was going to be this way as soon as Brandin Cooks signed on. Any way about it, this was the 2nd best game of the year. Shame that the Pats won and we won’t get a rematch of the best game of this year. The only thing left to figure out is if I’m making my famous carne asasa or fajitas for the super bowl party.
I saw a commercial for chick-fil-a and their English muffin sandwich. It made me think about how crumpets are so much better than English muffins. Especially with jam or Nutella. I haven’t had one in like 2 or 3 years.
I also thought there were no chick-fil-a stores here but it turns out there’s one that’s only 98 miles away for me not to go to.
Crumpets on the other hand are about 5 miles away and if I get unlazy (which is a word now because I made it one) they might get a little closer.
This year had a short list of bright spots but was otherwise not very good. Deuces, 2018.
Classics to watch every year :
Four Christmases. A Christmas Story. Love Actually.
Scrooged. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Just Friends. Krampus. Home Alone. Die Hard.
The original Charlie Brown / Grinch cartoons.
And the movies I really don’t need to see again:
Home Alone 2 (or the other ones in the series after the 1st)
Elf – I just don’t think it’s that funny. Will Ferrell is way better when he isn’t trying to be loud and obnoxious. Try Everything Must Go or Stranger Than Fiction.
The Grinch (2018) – see prior rant. the Grinch (2000) – another Jim Carrey trying to be loud.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
I struggle enough with Christmas season as it is but there are songs I don’t care to ever hear again:
Christmas Shoes – I mean come on. This song is nothing but emotional exploitation at its worst. It’s like putting Bambi’s mother getting shot on a loop. People already feel bad enough around the Christmas season that they don’t need someone actively trying to make them feel worse.
Wonderful Christmas time (includes all covers) – Just a horrible song with a terrible sound and no value.
Santa Baby – Specifically the Ariana Grande version. There’s a reason we don’t remake everything. Your auto tune did not add anything to the original. For that matter anything done by Ariana and Carly Rae Jepsen (I had to look up how to spell that).
The First 2 Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums. I can’t hear it without having flashbacks to the early 90s. It must have been given away with every CD player purchase from 89 to 98.
There are good songs / albums too.
Pentatonix Christmas Albums -pretty much all of it.
Lindsey Stirling – Warmer in Winter
Sarah McLachlan – Wintersong is a fully underrated album, and I got it for my dad (who was huge fan of hers) just about a month before he was diagnosed.
RUN DMC – Christmas in Hollis
there are more, I’m sure.